Rosh HaShana is the day when we celebrate creation of conciousness. After the physical and animal world was perfected, “And God saw it was good”, he turned to creating man, a work which really belonged to the domain of Shabat. And, tradition tells us, man was created in a state of harmony with everything, in the state of mind known as Eden, wherein he was to live off the ‘tree of life’, of awareness that there is only truth and falsehood, reality and non-reality, as Rambam famously explains. Somehow he chose to see things through the lens of partiality, of judgement and preference, seeing things in subjective terms of ‘good’ and ‘bad’. From this he attained such enjoyments such as pride, self-satisfaction, and such sufferings as guilt, shame, self-denigration.

And so, the Midrash tells us that God sugested that at least once a year man attempts to return to the Eden like state of pristine unity. Paradoxicaly, we are ‘judged’ on Rosh HaShana for being judgemental. We are asked - whether by “God” or Gods voice in ourselves, whether we still choose to be separate and thus live in the tree of knowledge conciousness, or live in the tree of lifeawareness. We cry out again and again, “Remember us for life” - reminding ourselves that what we really desire deep down is to feel “Life!”, to feel alive, fully alive.

This is not really a choice for most people - it may “happen” or not, which is why we express this as a request to an external God, because we also know that it may not be entirely dependent on ourselves. We may wake up, perhaps through hearing the Shofar, or not. What we can do is attempt to trust that whatever happens - is what is supposed to happen, which is what is meant by our trusting HaShems judgement. “Malchuto BeRatzon kiblu aleahem” - the only meaningfull acceptance of God as sovereign/ king/ father/ friend/ beloved/ Only One - is that which comes from Ratzon, from choice and desire. No other relationship has much meaning.

Which is what is meant by the Rishonim who say that on Rosh HaShana we are ‘judged’ for our Olam Haba, our inner world, our innerness, our relationship to HaShem. We try to remember what is real, try to create a non-manipulative relationship with God and the world; we don’t mention our sins, and if we work harder on performing mitzvot, it is not out of illusion that these will affect God, but out of desire to express our love in various ways, thus to feel the love for God more, which is itself our olam haba. Schar Mitzva - Mitzva: Love - is its own reward.

This can be expressed differently, as Rav Harlap z”l expresses it: Rosh HaShana is the day of renewal of Brit, of our covenant with God. We know that when a couple have a good vibrant loving close relationship, even when there are hardships and difficulties, these are experienced together, as part of the fabric of their togetherness. When the hub of the wheel of their Brit-Covenant is lacking, the slightest troubles or chores can be overwhelming. And so we hope on Rosh HaShana, and in the ensuing honeymoon period of Tishrei, to renew our love for God and life.

Yes, there is judgement, which is our judgement of ourselves, as the Besht explains. God’s judgement is our appraisal of ourselves. (Like all terms in ancient literature, the words of prayers need to be translated into terminology that is modern, that is relevant to us. There is much work to be done by us when reading the Machzor). We can imagine this as a searching deep enquiry which arises out of our awareness of reality in all its wonder, splendor and awesomeness, a question of how we fit in, how congruous and correct and appropriate is our life? How did we arrive - for better and worse - at where we are? at being who we are? What are the factors contributing to making us unhappy? This needs great honesty. If we are indeed unhappy - it will be a harder question. It is all too easy to criticize ourselves ruthlessly and thus feel that we have done a good days work. (”Even when one denigrates oneself = one does not denigrate the denigrator.”) But what is needed is honesty. Therefore the Zohar (Emor) seems to sugest that we first lay out the “case for the defence” - sanigoria - we need to attempt to see ourselves favourably. Not leniently, but in the way we are quite capable to honestly see others in a good light. If we are unable to do this - this is the first place to start working, only then can we have a worthy and honest defence. As Rav Dessler z”l writes - a persons acceptance of God is directly proportionate to his acceptance of his fellow man. A person who does not love others cannot, sadly, love God.

In a short story by Salinger two women meet after 20 years have passed since their co-ed days. They reminisce and, as the evening goes by and the hostess who as years have passed has become more bitter and short-tempered with her children and see’s herself as nasty, says to her friend in the last line “I was a nice girl, was’nt I?” On Rosh HaShana we remind ourselves-God that we do have the capability to really live a full life of relating. When we woo someone, something in ourselves does feel somehow ‘worthy’ of them. They may be the most perfect and wonderful person, and we may see ourselves as unworthy, but still, something in us says “This can work, for both of us”. Coming to Rosh HaShana we are saying - to God and ourselves, that, notwithstanding everything, we do believe we have it in us to have a meaningfull relationship with life, to accept and love and affirm life.

And maybe even more.

Shanah Tova.

Recent Articles by Rabbi Yehoshua Engelman

• What Rosh HaShana may be about - September 22nd, 2006
• Pinehas: Conflict of Human Rights values that are sometimes mutually exclusive - July 22nd, 2005
• Rabbi Yehoshua Engelman - July 6th, 2005

Categories: Rosh HaShanah
Tags: Bo, Emor, fen, fence, harmony, hearing, honesty, human rights, judge, palestinians, settlers, truth